More than a Machine

NFP is short for Natural Family Planning.  When most people hear about it they want to know, "Does it work?"  Well, the first question in my mind when I hear this is, "Work for what?"

 A rope and a pulley work to lift or hoist objects.   Wagons roll because they have wheels and axles. These are simple machines. The body, although it has mechanical capacity, is not an "it" but a "who."  What works for a machine can be honed down to the function of its parts.  What works for a person has way more to do with how a person responds to a process.   The answer to the question, is, "Yes, NFP works."  It works to help a couple conceive a child and to help them space or limit their family size.  It does not however "work" for the same reasons that something mechanical works. 

 NFP is a process of discovery.  It is not blocking, altering, poisoning, or aggresively eliminating the natural order of things.  It works because it is healthy for our bodies and our spirits and respects that delicate balance that we are.  God designed our bodies with mystery and purpose. With NFP we are able to discover the unique and personal design of our female bodies and share that information with our spouse.   

Many of us that use NFP tend to have larger families, not because the method has failed us, but because we have an openess to children that others may not. We have accepted the formula of union=babies, and have decided that we will accept children from God as the miracle that they are. 

We all want successful marriages.  If I were to pick one of the major things that has "worked" for our marriage it would be NFP.  It lifts like a pulley; it rolls like a wagon, but it "works" in ways that go far beyond mechanics.  The image is more like a tree.  It functions to give oxygen and shade, and yet it is beautiful and grows all at the same time.

Do you want more for your marriage?  Do you want a way to plan your family in a way that goes beyond functioning? Aim for more.  You are more than a machine.

IFor class information


   



   
   

More than Granola

A friend from high school went through a phase of calling me "granola" in my young adult years.  I was always into something natural it seemed to her:  wore my hair fairly plain, used little makeup, insisted upon natural childbirth, breastfeeding and having our babies at home. We did, and still do, something most would consider radical: We plan our family naturally; one hundred percent organic, no harm to my body, or my husband's; convenient, free, fairly easy to use, and good for us too! Why this has not caught on in the midst of mass hysteria over organic foods and non G.M. (genetically modified) produce, is a mystery to me. 

 
I would like to say that we steered clear of contraception because we were Catholic and understood the meaning behind the Church's teaching. This understanding came later. We got hooked early on to Natural Family Planning for the plain and simple reason that it just made sense. If my body was only designed to be fertile part of each monthly cycle then why not read the signs and abstain from marital union periodically, when necessary? A man is fertile, by the way, all the time. He is easy to read. 

Natural Family Planning brings to my marriage something that could not come from contraception: communication, self mastery, trust, and a daily charted record of four symptoms of my fertility. Days have rolled into weeks, weeks into months, and then decades, of sharing in the most intimate way all of who we are as man and woman, husband and wife.  With both of us sharing the responsibility for our fertility, talking and praying about God's plan for our family, we bond emotionally as well.   

My challenge for all married couples is this:  If periodic abstinence is the one and only natural way to plan a family, why not consider it?  If a steady diet of good things, like granola, can sustain us in a way that nothing else can, consider what would happen with a 100% organic approach to fertility?

Caring for our bodies takes effort and requires just the right mix, the right ingredients, time and care.  Why would we expect anything less in the care and nurturing of our marriages? Expect more than being natural.  It's more than granola!

Click here for previous post on Church teaching

Click here for NFP link


 

     

More than Words

 Vows and promises.  We remember the vows; the part about being true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, all the days of our lives.   There is another part of the ceremony that is often times forgotten:  The wedding promises to the Church community:

"Do you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?  Will you love and honor each other for the rest of your lives?  Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

WeddingCeremony-©GavinSpencer

Most of us understand the first two questions.  It is the third question about children that is misinterpreted and misunderstood.  

What exactly does that mean, "to accept children lovingly from God?"

The answer is gift wrapped in what the Church understands marriage to be.  

If marriage is a true reflection of the love of God; if God's love holds nothing back;  if God's love is given and received freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully, then our love as husband and wife must also be complete, generous and fruitful. 

 

As Catholics we believe that we renew our vows and promises each and every time we unite as one body in the conjugal act.  

Our love cannot be rendered sterile..... ever, because God's love is not sterile.

Contraception interrupts the natural order of union and the potential for life.  It is a contradiction of the very nature of God and the nature of a married couple who is called to reflect the reality of God.  The Catholic Church has never and can never condone such and action..... ever. 
     
What the Church is asking is for us to be open to the possibility of children in each and every act of marital union.  If this is not possible for serious reasons, She asks that we abstain from relations during the fertile time. 
  
All couples must prayerfully discern when they have a serious reason for postponing, sometimes indefinitely, a pregnancy.  Each and every marriage and situation is different.  What is clear, is that all married couples are called to responsible parenthood, in which the dignity of every person in the family is upheld.
 "Humane Vitae"   

 In regards to learning ones fertility, it is much more scientific than in the previous method of counting calendar days.    People who come to our classes are often amazed at how a woman's fertility can be interpreted and charted.  Yes, it takes some effort and communication, but don't the very best things in life take some extra effort?  
Natural Family Planning class info

When we come to the altar to be wed what a gift the Church offers us.  In order to unwrap the gift, we must take it into our marriages and live those words; those promises; to understand all the blessings that God has for us.  
     
A marriage is more than vows and promises.  It is more than words can say. 
Additional NFP resources


   

 
   
   

More than Amore

In these posts on "Uncommon Love,"  I will seek to share with you my understanding on married love through a Catholic perspective.  My understanding has come from 23 years of marriage, more then 10 years of  teaching Natural Family Planning and a more recent study on "Theology of the Body," by Blessed Pope John Paul II.

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      While redecorating our bedroom, I was looking for an appropriate word to paint near our wedding picture and collection of antique wedding and family photos.  Something to do with marriage, love, or rest.  ..... Latin perhaps.  "Respite" sounded good, until I realized that "respite" is sometimes used for the dead, who are hopefully resting eternally.

     My Italian husband came up with "amore," the Italian word for romantic love.   So there it is, large as life, painted above our wedding picture and next to a dozen wedding and antique photos of relatives who have long since passed.  Perhaps "respite" would have been appropriate after all.

     When we met amore was easy, and perhaps the focus of what we were all about.  The feelings of love carried us from day to day, toward engagement and marriage.  Yet, this was not our only interest.  From the beginning we desired that our faith in God be foundational to the life we were building together.  Still married and in love twenty-three years later, our faith has carried us through some difficult years and situations.  "Amore" would not have been enough. 

     

      Next to our wedding photo, at St. Thomas the Apostle in Phoenix, are two mirrors. They symbolize two souls of equal importance, who came to the church as two people, made our vows and promises, left our singleness on the altar, and walked out as one reflection of God's love and grace. 

                    

     To the right of the word amore is a crucifix.  As Catholics, the Crucifix is not foreign to us; we wear it, we look at it at Mass, we hang it in various rooms of our house.  It reminds us of God's  great love for us.  From the beginning of time we believe in God's faithfulness toward his people.  This love reaches its fullness when, through the sacrifice of God's son Jesus, we are made heirs to His kingdom and redeemed for eternal life. 
     Sacrifice is a scary word.  It requires pain and blood and the offering of something beyond what a human could fathom or understand.  There is a victim involved. Who wants to reflect on that?  No wonder some prefer the empty resurrected cross.  Let's just skip right to the joy.  

    The difference with Jesus as victim is that He gives of himself freely.  Though one in the same, He gives as man, who is also Divine, and receives the offering as God.  It is a love that goes both ways.  God who is Love both gives and receives.  The fruit of that kind of love is not containable.  What pours out and overflows is the Holy Spirit. 

     In our marriage there are times we must choose to love despite the pain.  There are actions and attitudes that go past the here and now which imprint on our marriage something lasting.  It would be easier to skip right to the joy, but not better.  I know that we can only be one when we sacrifice our own desires for the good of our marriage.  The two dimensional love as in a photograph or a mirror  takes the shape of that third dimension when we give of ourselves completely in marriage; with nothing held back.  The crucifix is a good reminder of this deeper love.

     Romantic love is nice;  it has it's time and moment.  Like the word on my wall though, it is flat without the deeper sacrificial love that is offered in the Sacrament of Marriage.  What more could any of us desire than to be loved always, as we are... unconditionally.  This is the kind of love I desire, the kind I want to give.
 It is not amore.  It is more.

"How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the church...?  How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one is discipline, one in the same service,....undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh.  Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit."  Turtullian (160- after 220, Latin ecclesiastical writer)